It’s been hard finding employment for the past few month. One of my decisions that I regret the most was applying post graduation, we were too busy finalizing our manuscript for publishing. Running back-and-forth—checking through the corridors of the campus whether the faculty is present to check our finished manuscript and not to mention dealing with campus bureaucracy was if not the most time-wasting things anyone can do. It took us a month post-graduation to deal with our manuscript so we can get our accreditations.

No Fish Biting

After what was said and done, I started finding employment on December which was a bad idea since it was the holidays and recruiters aren’t actively finding any employees during the festivities hence the month being stagnant for anyone to look at my application. So I did what anyone else did at the time and it was to make my own project while decreasing my applications, this is but another regretrable choices I had. After a week has past by, I started getting rejection letters on my email and it was alright for the most part but after january rolled out I wasn’t even getting any rejection letters at best. At the worst I was getting absolutely nothing, and this is when my anxiety started kicking in. I started jumping to dozens of conclusions, ruminating this fake reality that I think I’m in and overall ruined my mental health.

Downward Spiral Towards Never Ending Rumination

When all hope is lost I actually landed 3 interviews and 2 technical interviews. I was happy for the moment that people were starting to notice my application and but then again, they responded with not continueing it lol. I was excited to get more interviews, but once again, the flow became stagnant and I went to my downward spiral of rumination for what I did wrong and the things I could’ve done better. I felt I was living on my personal hell and the devils were my own subconcious torchering me of my own mistakes, showing me where I failed and I could not stop it because I realized I didn’t actually learn to forgive myself, it really broke me.

I’m Full of Regrets And I’m Learning to Let Go

After the worst month of my life I felt like a husk of my former self, drained to the brim of my asperations of becoming a developer. It doesn’t help that I kept comparing myself to others and it felt as if I was digging my own grave. After a week of thought and introspection, I kinda figured out the problems I had and eventuanly I know now that I have to learn from my mistakes but never let them get me down.

After Thoughts

I am my own worst enemy and this is just the beginning, I just need to put my foot on the door and upskill on the side (let’s see what future lue would have to say). I was entertaining the thought of doing freelance work but after conversing with a colleague of mine, I actually needed connections in the first place and to have connections I had to build a presence in the industry and community.

I’m going to continue finding more jobs than killing myself. Peace!

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